Beyond Regret: Discovering God's Plan in Painful Experiences
The Girl Who Almost had an Abortion
There was a girl who lived life on her own terms. She danced through the days with a carefree spirit, unburdened by the weight of responsibilities or consequences. She was loving life, living in the moment and for weekend parties. She embraced every moment with wild enthusiasm, chasing after fleeting pleasures without a second thought for tomorrow. However, as time passed, the consequences of her actions began to catch up with her. The same spontaneity that once brought her joy now left her with a trail of regrets in its wake. She realized that the things she had neglected - her relationships, her future, her own well-being - would become sources of deep sorrow.
She was born with a brave, free and wild spirit. She entered the world ready to run and push everything to the limit. From a young age and a small town, she'd always dreamt of becoming a mother and having a family. She'd spent her carefree days playing outside and running around barefoot on the farm.
She was in her early 20s, about to make a choice that would plague her mind and heart for years to come.
Although that's not where the poor choices began or ended but definitely one that would have a lasting impact. She found herself in a relationship where she made poor choices and gave others too much control over her decisions.
During the midst of making poor decisions, she became pregnant.
She knew, she just knew.
Craving soft serve ice cream from McDonalds and not feeling well, there was no denying it.
A positive test at a friend's house was confirmed. She didn't know what would come next. A LOT of shame, embarrassment, worry and a tad excitement flooded through her body. Here was the girl that had always wanted to be a mother but not quite at this time.
Again, what would she do?
Then, she heard the words "I don't have a job; I can't take care of a baby." She had to figure it out. Her choice was made. She would have an abortion. She didn’t agree with it, it's not what she really wanted but she was willing to live with that choice for the rest of her life. It was worth the risk and shame she would face with her family, friends, and others around her.
She went about life pretending none of it was real… apart from asking a friend for financial help to get an abortion. The timeline was not recorded but she began to bleed. A trip to the emergency room with a friend confirmed it could go either way. She left the ER and brushed everything aside. The following weekend she partied like nothing in life had changed. The baby was gone the same weekend.
She had lost the baby.
Lying on a floor enduring the physical pain feeling like she wanted to crawl inside the floor to make it go away. A large clump had fallen in the toilet, she knew what it was, flushed.
It was gone.
Weeks, months and years passed by. She would occasionally confide in a friend or two about how she was feeling and the struggle of having to process everything. She didn’t understand how this would play out and would forever be a part of her story. The girl and the boy NEVER talked about it. It’s as if it had never happened. She held onto the bitterness and emotional turmoil within, for so many years. No, she didn’t have an abortion BUT she almost did. She had planned everything out.
Although she did not and does not agree with it still, she was going to do it. Although she didn’t HAVE to go through with it, it sticks with her to this day that she had considered it. How would she get through this? How would she live with her original decision?
Everything would work out. She didn’t know it at the time but God would use this as a MAJOR part of her story and be a living testament of his grace and love. You see, the biggest struggle of losing this baby was not the fact I had lost the baby. It was having to keep everything in, mourning alone throughout the years, keeping this part of my life a huge secret to avoid shame and judgment, and self judgment. For years, I wondered how God would use this in my life and as a part of my testimony to share with others and well, here we are. A couple months ago, I received a phone call from a dear friend who is more like family. She invited me to speak in front of 150 women. She had no idea this was something I had been through. I began to tear up, shared a tid bit of my story and told her I would pray about it. So you see why I say this is a God thing, because it truly is. And as I share here today I am blessed that God has given me the courage to share this publicly.
It may take years at times BUT HE HAS A PLAN and it is the PERFECT PLAN and this is just a small part of it!
A wise counselor and dear friend once shared a profound insight with me: instead of wondering WHY certain things have happened to us, we should shift our focus to how God can use these experiences for good. Reflecting on this, as I stand in 2024, I've truly witnessed the remarkable ways in which God has moved in my life. Despite the deep pain of enduring sexual abuse both as a child and as a teenager, an unplanned pregnancy that ended with miscarriage and numerous other trials; I’ve seen how these hardships have shaped my path and have led me directly to working with sex trafficking victims. It's become my heartfelt mission and passion of mine to help them find the same liberation and peace that I have, through God's grace.
I am certain that I am where I am today because of His enduring love and the transformative work He has done in my life.
Just as it says in:
Ephesians 2:8–9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
All of this to say I know, I am, where I am today, because God has brought me this far and out of some very deep pits.
Grace is a VERY real thing!
PS. God has worked in my life so much I have since genuinely forgiven the guy and we’ve had a couple open conversations about it (in past years). I am at peace with it and him.
True forgiveness does wonders for the soul!
with grace filled love- Katie-lyn Smith
You, Me & Her
Meet Danielle & Jessica
Danielle & Jessica's friendship started off 18 years ago with their love of line dancing. Over the years their relationship flourished into a sisterhood. They have been through ups & downs of life together, traveled and adventured, grown families and have supported each other through this crazy roller coaster of life. Jess & Danielle have an eye for all things sparkly and pretty and love creating memories and an experience!
How They Got Started
You Me & Her was born after Danielle & Jessica's lifelong best friend unexpectedly passed away. Their friend Amanda lived in Asheville, NC, every year they had a tradition to go visit Amanda for Labor Day weekend. They would always say "The Band is back together" whenever they reunited and so, they dubbed themselves "You Me & Her". While carrying on the tradition with Amanda's mother after her passing, the girls tried to talk Amanda's mom into getting tattoos. Her response? "You don't put bumper stickers on a Porsche!" Instead, she took them to get jewelry. And that's where Permanent Jewelry was introduced. Danielle, Jessica, & Amanda's mother Lona all got matching ankle bracelets with Amanda's birthstone. And then they knew what they had to do! Danielle & Jessica decided this HAD to be offered back home! You Me & Her helps keep Amanda's memory alive and also allows us to get out and meet new friends in the area and provide them with a piece and experience that will hopefully hold a memory for them.
Website: You, Me & Her - Danielle & Jessica
Meet Lissa!
Hello!!! I’m Lissa, I'm a Jesus loving, single mom of three. I’m passionate about supporting single moms, providing unwavering encouragement in both their faith and their journey through motherhood. My goal is to empower moms to navigate the complexities of parenthood with confidence, peace, and grace.I also strive to provide peace of mind when it comes to their family's health by helping them make simple and affordable changes in their household products while also offering time and money-saving advice. In my free time I enjoy a good book, while drinking yet another cup of Colombian coffee!
I mostly hang out on instagram at @its.lissa.m i’d love to connect there! You can also check out some fun products at healedmotherhood.etsy.com and you can find more information about ways to save and money for your home at www.womenlivingwithpurpose.life/lissamaria
Lissa Maria
Social Mom’s Club - Jenna Bland
Im Jenna - I’m the passionate founder behind Social Moms Club and the Mom in Charge (MIC) of the Pana, IL area. Truth be told, this God given seed for this idea sprouted from a personal, some might say "selfish," need I had been praying about. After my second daughter was born, I found myself yearning for the camaraderie of fellow mamas. Now, you might be thinking, "second-time mom, she should have all the answers, right?" I wish! Each child is wonderfully unique, and with my second, I found myself with a fresh set of questions and uncertainties.
In a moment of vulnerability, I posted in a local Facebook moms group, and that's when the realization hit – I wasn't alone. Numerous mothers felt the same way, deprived of the support network that is vital for this complex and beautiful journey we call motherhood. You get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the everyday life and find yourself going weeks or even months without any real connection outside your home. Insert Social Moms Club.
They often say, "It takes a village to raise a child," and I wholeheartedly agree. But I also believe it takes a village to nurture a mother. Through Social Moms Club, I aspire to create that village for you – a place of community, connection, and confidence; education and endless support through all stages of your motherhood journey, from pregnancy and beyond.
At Social Moms Club, we aim to nurture a community that offers unconditional support, enriching education, and meaningful connections. And did I mentioned the best parties and super fun meet-ups?!
Our mission is to empower you to grow, connect, and thrive in your journey of motherhood. Step into a nurturing space where you are supported, educated, and connected.
As you may have noticed, we allow certain business to promote their products and services within our club. These are our community partners. We are very strategic when it comes to these partnerships and reserve the rights to marketing specifically for these businesses. I want to say that if a brand or small business is shared here, it's because we whole heartedly believe in their product, service, or mission. SMC is not here to make money - we are here to serve you. One of the ways our club makes a small income is simply through sponsorships and affiliate marketing by sharing products and services we believe you and your family deserve.
Our team has put a lot of time into building this community, planning events, and establishing quality relationships for you. It’s time motherhood is done different. Gone are the days of feeling alone, hurting (physically, emotionally, and mentally), having unnecessary traumatic births and postpartum recoveries, and supporting companies that don’t care about you, your health, or your wallet.
If you would like to lock arms with us and this motherhood risen movement, whether its hosting events in your area or becoming a community partner please email us mailto:hello@socialmomsclub.org - enjoy the other MIC introduction post over the next week!
Social Mom’s IG: socialmomsclub_ Jenna Bland’s IG: mrsjennabland Website: https://www.socialmomsclub.org/
Jenna Bland
Making & Breaking Bread…. Recipe Included
Bread is a staple food in many cultures, and throughout history, it has held significant meaning and symbolism. In the Bible, bread is mentioned numerous times, both in terms of physical sustenance and spiritual nourishment. There are many references to bread in the Bible, and one of the most significant is the idea of sharing bread .
Sharing bread is a fundamental aspect of many cultures, and it is a way of showing hospitality, kindness, and generosity. In the Bible, sharing bread is viewed as an act of love and fellowship Acts 2:46-47.It is a way of bringing people together and building community. When we share bread with others, we are expressing our willingness to be open and vulnerable with them, and we are creating a space for deepening relationships.
The biblical significance of sharing bread can be seen in the story of the Last Supper Luke 22:19-20. Jesus shared bread with his disciples, and he instructed them to do the same in remembrance of him. This act of sharing bread has become a central part of Christian worship, and it is a way of remembering Jesus’ sacrifice and his love for us.
Sharing bread is also a way of expressing gratitude and thankfulness. In the Bible, bread is often used as a symbol of God’s provision and care John 6:35. When we share bread with others, we are acknowledging that everything we have comes from God, and we are expressing our gratitude for his blessings.
Lastly, sharing bread is a biblical practice that holds great significance and meaning. It is a way of showing love, hospitality, and generosity, and it is a way of building community and deepening relationships. By sharing bread with others, we are expressing our willingness to be vulnerable and open, and we are creating a space for God’s love and provision to be experienced.
EASY Homemade, White Bread Recipe:
Ingredients:
2 cups of warm water (not too hot, it will kill your yeast)
½ cup of sugar (I prefer organic panela - an unrefined cane sugar we have here in CO)
1 ½ T active dry yeast
1 ½ tsp salt
¼ cup of vegetable oil (I prefer melted, slightly cooled organic coconut oil)
5-6 cups of flour
Directions:
In a decent size bowl mix 2 Tablespoons of sugar (from your ½ cup in the warm water until disolved.
Add yeast and stir in slowly, allow to sit for a few minutes until activated (you can see it start to bubble and foam a little). short video on how to be sure your yeast is active and ready
Add the remaining sugar, all of your salt and all of your oil to the mixture.
Add flour - 1 cup at a time, while checking the texture - you should be able to pull the dough away from the bowl, you may or may not use all of the flour (I had a ½ of a cup leftover and used it for the counter and kneading).
Knead for 7-10 minutes, watch your time carefully
Oil a bowl, put your dough in the bowl and turn it around to cover the dough in oil (I used coconut oil again).
Cover with a da.p cloth and place in a warm area while it rises (we live in a place with cooler weather so I placed it in the oven (NOT turned on) but with the light on and oven door cracked for more warmth).
Let it sit for about an hour (again, I live in a cooler place AND higher altitude so I let it sit for 1 hr and ten min.... every time has been a little diff give or take 10-15 min). You can also check to see if it has doubled in size or not which is a good visual indicator.
Take it out, punch it and knead for 1-2 minutes
Split dough in two even parts
Shape into bread loaves, place in standard size loaf pans (greased like the bowl)./
Let sit and rise for 30-45 minutes (I do 40-45 due to altitude and cooler weather).
Bake at 350 F or 175 C for 30-40 minutes.
Let cool.
Slice, eat, enjoy!
I prefer not to slice all of it at once to keep some moisture in, but to each his own).
This is sooooo easy and delicious!
Let us know if you give it a try and tag @hellobeefive on IG!!
WITH LOVE AS ALWAYS-
Katie-lyn Smith Puyo
Church Hurt is Real
I HATED CHURCH!
I know that is an intense, strong and loaded sentence BUT it is also VERY true!
Being church hurt IS A REAL thing.
It's when you've been hurt, betrayed, or let down by a church, its leadership, or its members. It's a pain that can cut deep, and it often leaves people feeling lost, confused, and alone. But despite the hurt, it's important not to give up on finding a church that's right for you.
Many people who have been church hurt feel like they can't trust any church or any group of believers again. They feel like they're better off on their own, and they distance themselves from the church altogether. But this mindset can be dangerous because it can lead to isolation, bitterness, and a lack of spiritual growth. I’ve been there and gone down this path myself. This is by no means to bash another church nor speak poorly of a church but to simply encourage you to continue your search for a church until you find:
1. A loving church where you feel welcomed
2. Is teaching from the Bible.
3. Double check their theology / mission statement
4. Ask questions! The church you are looking to be involved with or attending will be okay with questions.
It's important to remember that not all churches are created equal, and not all Christians are the same but we are still humans filling the inside of the church walls (it’s easy to forget this sometimes). Just because you've had a bad experience with one church doesn't mean that every church will be the same. There are good, loving, and welcoming churches out there, and it's worth taking the time to find one that's right for you.
If you've been church hurt, it's okay to take a break from church for a bit. Take the time to heal, to process your emotions, seek counseling support if needed in order to work through what you’ve experienced and pray for guidance as to what you're looking for in a church. But don't let the hurt keep you from finding a community of believers that can support and encourage you on your spiritual journey with God. I walked away from church for MORE THAN 10 YEARS because of this.
I’m thankful the Lord placed challenges in my life which drew me back in - to “searching” for a church but man was it a long, rough road. I’m blessed to say, I’ve now found a church that I genuinely LOVE so much and not only attend regularly but am also involved in several ministries! Who would have ever thunk it! NOT ME! That’s for sure! haha
In conclusion, being church hurt is a real thing, but it's important not to give up on finding a church that's right for you. There are good churches and good Christians out there, and it's worth taking the time to find them. Don't let the hurt of the past keep you from experiencing the love, grace, and fellowship that the church can offer.
I NOW LOVE MY CHURCH!
From my heart, with love, Katie-lyn Smith Puyo
The Unexpected of Field’s Avenue
If you’ve never heard of Field’s Avenue, please, stop and add it to your prayer list RIGHT now.
I left Field’s Avenue differently than when I had entered.
Back Story:
Ayame (Co-Founder of Pivot | Faith & Valor) and I headed to the Philippines for a mission’s trip on October 14, 2023. As the new Safe House Developer for Pivot | Faith & Valor (OUR MISSION: We exist to Pivot Women and Children Globally from Sexual Slavery and Exploitation to Freedom), this would be an amazing opportunity to see first-hand how our partners at Wipe Every Tear have created an amazing program, how their safe house was established and currently managed. We met with the staff and chatted for hours, learning the ins and outs of their operation.
It’s incredible to learn from a team that has been very successful and gives it all to God!
In the evening we headed to their new house which they’ve been blessed with and were able to purchase for the first time in 12 years! Talk about a huge blessing and miracle! Everyone sat around the large common area and began introducing themselves one at a time. Each girl / woman would say her name, age, how long she’d been in the program and what she studied or what she was currently studying!
An applause filled the room as each girl completed her introduction.
I couldn’t t help but be amazed by EVERY! SINGLE! PERSON! in the room. I mean, wow! To just sit in awe of the wonderful mercies of God and to witness firsthand the transformation each one allowed Him to make in their own lives. I just don’t have the words to even express how incredible it was to experience that. We worshipped, had dinner, said our goodbyes, and headed out.
I only hope I can return one day to see their progress and just stop by to say hello!
BACK TO FIELDS AVENUE…
Several people had told me about this place, and I mean, to be honest it’s quite famous; a simple google search will provide you with more information than you’ll ever want to know. This place is dark, sad, and VERY broken from all aspects. The amount of people trapped in darkness will blow your mind and break heart.
Now, although a lot of information had been shared with me about Fields Avenue, I never expected it to be on THAT scale. It’s hard to hear “you’ll see thousands of girls trapped in the sex industry” and imagine seeing that number in your head.
YOU CAN’T!
Then, you’re there and you understand what you’ve been told.
Wipe Every Tear has been blessed with an amazing church in Angeles City that is involved with multiple ministries throughout the city. One of those ministries includes a meal outreach program, where the kitchen staff from the church prepares hundreds of meals, 5 days a week to pass out to bar girls, freelance girls and the homeless. Side note: Pivot | Faith & Valor has been able to help support this ministry through their foundation as well! Ayame and I helped pack up the meals for the evening we’d be doing outreach with the team.
Walking through Fields Ave, passing out meals and cards, the girl’s faces just lit up with gratitude! There was one freelance girl I’ll never forget - she came over, introduced herself by name, gave me a hug and told me thank you. She was literally all smiles.
After all the meals had been distributed, we headed back to one of the bars and asked if we could go in.
WE DID!
We were then told to choose a girl. I chose one of the girls who seemed timid and body language screamed she didn’t want to be there. She looked so young (let’s call her Suzy, for privacy’s sake). Suzy said she was 18 but looked much younger, she was so tiny. We sat and talked with Suzy for a while, about things she likes, dislikes, her family, what she wants to study…
She has a cat, and she likes to paint…
She’d been there for JUST one week and said she did not want to work there. Sigh.
(my heart aches just typing that out)
Our conversation came to an end, we told her about the safe house in the Philippines where she could live for FREE, where she can get an education, have support, community and be surrounded by people that will love her. We gave her a card and told her to call anytime she’d like; the doors are open!
I asked if we could pray with her before we left (of course we’re not supposed to do this) so we prayed with our eyes open like we were having a conversation with her.
We hugged her and told her goodbye.
I teared up a little as our outreach team left the bar.
Questions flooded my mind:
Will I see her again?
Will she reach out and head to the safe house?
Will she be able to set the dark thoughts aside for a few moments to consider this opportunity?
Will she listen when God calls her?
I DON’T KNOW…
What I do know…
I WILL pray for her by name EVERY DAY.
I WILL think about her EVERY DAY.
When I say, “I left Field’s Avenue differently than when I had entered.”
It’s because I did.
Going to the house and meeting so many girls that have been restored JUST the day before was eye opening. So often, we get caught up in the everyday of life and let things get to us, often wondering if God can do something and if He will. He CAN change our hearts, He CAN change our spouse’s heart, He CAN heal the broken, He CAN remove the darkness and pain!
WHO AM I?
Who am I to question what He can or can’t do?
He CAN change ANYONE, ANYTHING at ANYTIME in HIS TIMING!
Seeing their transformation reassured me of this 100%
This was the unexpected of Field’s Avenue:
I left Field’s Avenue believing this a lot more than when I had entered.
PS. I am forever grateful and blessed for the opportunity and experience that God provided through PIVOT and Wipe Every Tear with traveling to the Philippines. I know our journey with PIVOT and developing our safe house in Colombia will not be easy BUT bring on 2024!
GOD’S GOT THIS!
Written By: Katie-lyn Smith
Are You a Runner?
By now you are probably used to hearing me talk about coping mechanisms and how to overcome them. Today’s message is a little different. I am all about offering tools and tips to help you while on your healing journey, but today I want to challenge your mindset. And I am going to start this off by asking a question…
Do you invest?
Weird question for a mental health blog, right? But is it really? You may have immediately went to investing money and probably answered based on that. But obviously that is not what I’m referring to. Or maybe you caught on to that question and took it as investing into yourself. But that also is not what I’m talking about! What I mean is do you invest your time? When we think about investing money, the idea is that we put it somewhere with the expectation of receiving more back. When we think about investing into ourselves we think about doing things we enjoy and the expectation is that it will bring us happiness. But what does it mean to invest our time? And what is the expectation that we have when we invest our time?
Technically my original question was a trick question because we are ALWAYS investing our time into something. But when you break down the things we invest our time into, this will fall into two categories, or two expectations. We are either running away from something with the expectation that we won’t have to face the thing that is causing us anxiety and negative thoughts, or we are running towards something with the expectation of fulfillment.
The running away from things is usually an easy to see thing when it is brought to our attention. Maybe there is stress in a relationship, job, financial situation, etc. And running away will always look like distractions. When we think of distractions we tend to think of things like scrolling social media or watching tv, but these can also be sleeping a lot, over working ourselves, keeping busy constantly, over planning, or even just going numb to things/ pretending everything is great all of the time. All of this comes with an expectation that we won’t have to deal with those hard feelings, but ultimately we always do. At some point we will have to face them. So, ultimately, we will never win that race.
The running towards something sounds way more positive, right? But it also can come with an unhealthy outcome as well. This comes down to what are we running towards? Running towards goals is always amazing right? Would you be shocked if I told you no? A lot of the time our goals will center around our mental health, and how we run towards them also comes down to where we are mentally as well. If we are in a place where we are chasing happiness, this is an indication that we are actually running away from something. I know, I know, this sounds really strange. But SO many of us are so focused on finding happiness instead of joy. If you are an OG around here then you understand the difference. For those that are new, I’ll sum it up. Happiness is never long lasting and is usually what we search for when we are running from pain. Joy is something that we can find through any circumstance and can be found in healing. If we are constantly running towards happiness, that also means we are constantly running away from pain. And unfortunately that means we won’t find lasting joy or fulfillment because those things are only found in the peace that healing brings. However, when we set our eyes on running towards growing and healing, we can find that fulfillment.
So, let me rephrase my question:
HOW do you invest?
And HOW do you want to invest? What expectations do you have for how you invest your time? When you sit back and really look at your day to day, how much of your time is invested into your mental health? How often do you talk about how you are feeling? What about your thought life? How are you investing your thoughts? Are you thinking/speaking life or death? What about the music you listen to or the shows you watch? Are they pointing you towards bettering yourself or telling you to stay the same and love yourself exactly the way you are? Are they encouraging you to love or to isolate? Who are you spending time with? What do those conversations look like? Do you find yourself saying you don’t have time when people suggest resources or tools like listening to podcasts or making those phone calls?
I know that the idea of finding the time to do these things or investing into things that requires work seems daunting, but so is staying the same. So is feeling and thinking negatively. So is living in anxiety and depression because you shut out anything that resembles dealing with those feelings. This is called “damned if I do, damned if I don’t”. We tell ourselves that both options hurt so we stick to what we can control. But instead of investing our time and mental health into staying stuck, I challenge you to invest it into things that may feel hard but have the higher chance for a better outcome! I challenge you when you feel like watching tv, to watch a church service or a mental health vlog. When you feel like listening to music, listen to a podcast or turn on pandora or Spotify and find a christian station that will uplift you. When you feel like staying busy, force yourself to workout or go for a walk and, again, find that podcast or station that can uplift you. When you feel like sleeping, PRAY! Talk to God, outloud like you’re talking to a friend.
Your healing is up to you. Your goals in life are up to you. But we are here because we are tired of staying stuck, right? We want to take the control back over anxiety, right? It sucks feeling alone and unloved, right? SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Quit running and investing your time into things that are keeping you from finding actual peace and call it what it is. Fear. And then face it with truth! You know the drill! Really take the time to be honest with yourself and challenge yourself here. And for my friends that like an extra challenge, I challenge you at the end of every day to log what you invested your time into and journal about your expectations. Write down how you felt and what your emotional goals are! And then take the steps necessary to change what needs to be changed the next day and try again!
We hope this helped you. Remember, there is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is fleeting but true joy lasts! And staying stuck is just as daunting as making a change for the better. They are both hard. Choose your hard. This was a challenging message but it’s only because you are loved and we want to see the best for you friend!
Until next week… go forth and invest well!
Jerrica Snyder
The Day I Never Knew Would Come
I was this person that was lost and didn’t know anything about life.
I was a people pleaser, always trying to make others happy and could NEVER say NO. I was afraid / fearful that something was going to happen to me all the time. I had no confidence or self-worth, I didn’t love myself and was always talking negatively about myself, to the point where I was starting to believe what I was saying about myself. I was dealing with my identity and had no idea who I was anymore, I was looking for love and attention in all the wrong places. I even went as far as looking for other women at this point, I just wanted someone to love me. This had a lot to do with my childhood growing up. I was an alcoholic, drinking everyday, so I didn’t have to deal with my emotions. I needed something to dull my pain and every day life. On top of everything I was dealing with anxiety and deep depression, taking medicine every day to help but NOTHING really helped. At this point I was in a very dark place in my head.
I always believed in God and knew who He was but never had a relationship with Him. I remember telling God one day that I just want to be happy, never thinking anything of it. God heard me and sent me someone. Sade got hired right when I was giving up on everything. We worked together, got to know each other over a year. I don’t know why but I started to open up to her about what I was dealing with; all she would say was you need to come to church with me. I was like no God is not happy with me right now. I was embarrassed to show my face in God’s house. Months went by I got out of an unhealthy relationship and was very scared at this point. I’d never been on my own and Sade told me God will not let you fail, still telling me to come to church with her and I was still saying no. A couple more weeks went by I was still trying to figure everything out. Sade asked me again to come to church with her and this time I was willing.
On July 26, 2020, I walked into the church with so much shame. As the Service was going on it felt like the pastor was talking directly to me and something came over me. I got so emotional out of nowhere. As he was preaching he was telling me what I needed to do to build a relationship with God and I was starting to accept what he was saying. That night I began to talk to God. I knew I had to confess. I was wrong, what I was doing, and how I was living my life. I told God I just want to be happy and I will not go back to that lifestyle.
Within that first month of going to church I got saved and I was building a relationship with God. God began to work on me, working on my heart, working on my way of thinking, working on my addiction. God took the desire for alcohol away from me, to the point it makes me sick to my stomach. God changed the people around me that did me no good. God spoke life into me. God told me who I was with him and I believe that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. God gave me confidence to believe I was loved and beautiful. I began to say positive things about myself and others. God was building me up, making me strong at heart, where I was so weak before. I have so much self-worth, respect and value for myself that I didn’t even know I had in me. I carry myself like the lady I am. God taught me how to protect my heart because I have a good one.
Now, I have a relationship with God and I know what he can do, because he did it for me. I can now call myself a woman of God and be proud. As of now I’m still walking with God, still learning how good he is and just trying to be good in His eyes.
I’m so thankful that He chose me.
written by: Destini Richardson
Back to Life
My pilgrimage "back to life" began two years ago - life before this had culminated in complete exhaustion; my self-efforts had entangled me, and here on this hill, I found myself shattered and very fragile in spirit. I will be breaking down my journal of stories as I blog on this space of grace. I will be sharing the stories that God has authorized and entrusted me to live out in His perfect time and plan.
God never wastes our pain.
Psalm 40 - became my “go-to” - I began to “go back to” and personalize each word.
Psalm 40:1 “I waited patiently for the Lord, and he turned to me and heard my cry for help.”
I waited.
No, I WAITED, and He looked, heard, and attended to my cry. The profound wording of this verse does not say “I am waiting” - it says “when I waited” the passage appears to have been written in the past tense. I had come to a point where my cry for help had become louder than my desire to wait.
For years it has become my habit to choose a WORD that I have felt compelled to focus on throughout the year, Ironically the word I chose for 2020 was
“WAIT WELL.”
Waiting is an extraordinary revealer of honesty - waiting stripped me of all hidden pretenses.
Waiting had in the past been an active inward wail - (my waiting had usually been directed at wanting to see a change in others).
Waiting for me became a journey toward healing - waiting taught me to keep my eyes focused on Him and His relationship with me.
Waiting is never passive - my word choice quickly became a battle between the “new He was creating in me” and the shedding of old habits.
Waiting is intentional; waiting tunes my heart. Waiting gave me time to think - as He quieted my heart, I sensed His presence evermore.
Waiting allowed me to see more clearly - waiting caused my soul to be at peace.
Waiting made me trust more deeply - as layers of my life began to be peeled away, I began to fully realize that I was not the “savior” in this story.
Waiting meant there was hope
Waiting reset my faith
Waiting required submission
Waiting required obedience
Waiting made me call out to Him
Waiting kept me from rushing ahead of the promised rescue
Waiting called me to rehearse other circumstances when my “wait” became fully satisfied
I am now, even two years later, able to say with confidence and rejoice in what God alone could have done in my messiness of life.
Waiting can be messy
Waiting usually involves an external provoker
Waiting takes time - the relief does not come quickly
“Waiting well” released me from the inevitable consequences of the trajectory my life was on. Waiting is like a good books ending - Waiting was worth the wait.
Waiting is now a safe place where I can “wait well” because I, like you, have a history with God.
You and I can trust that He is at work even when we can't see His hand -
He is the God who rescues
There are no No deadlines for God - He neither hastens nor delays. We continually fight for Joy - yet we fight as those who have been saved by grace and held by Christ.
When finally He completes the work that He hath wrought - the work that caused my needless fear - I see now where I should have trusted more simply because He is and has always been faithful.
I have found the wait well worth the effort and discipline it had taught me. I invite you to join the “wait” and see what He has done.
There is a book that I gleaned so much from by John Piper, “When the Darkness Will Not Lift” check it out on Amazon. Better yet, get yourself an Audile copy and set you're listening to repeat.
All is Well, All is Well
Written by: Linda Smith
Keeping It All In
We can only hold things in for so long. Eventually, things that we’ve held onto will be stirred around, triggered, and emotions drawn out. It may even get to a point that we don’t know what to do with them.
The thing is, everyone has a story.
Our stories, traumas and experiences may be different but they’re there. How / Why is it that we hold on to them for so long without saying a word? Shame? Guilt? Blame? I do not know the exact answer for mine anyways, but what I do know is I’ve learned recently that I can’t hold onto them anymore. I know I’m not alone, I’m just one woman in a world of many who don’t know how to share or where to begin even.
Recently, I had the opportunity of attending an amazing Bible study / support group at my church which was absolutely incredible and nothing like I’ve experienced before.
Funny thing is, I almost didn’t attend. I had not read the chapters that were recommended prior to attendance. I Messaged one of the leaders and she basically told me not to worry, I wouldn’t be the only one. So, I decided to make a point to go. Well, then, the next day one of our furbabes was pretty sick and I was quite worried, but I decided he would be okay and on my way I went. Well, I guess I got my days mixed up and was even less prepared than I thought!
We were to prepare “our story.”
Now, before we continue, just to share a little insight about the Bible study / support group…it’s called Restoration Group, which prior to 2020, took place annually. It uses the book Redemption by MIKE along with the book of Exodus from the Bible as the guides.
Let’s jump back to how I didn’t have my story ready. You see, the thing is, there is or WAS not ONE person in this world that knows / knew everything about me; not my husband, not my family, nor my besties. So, the idea was to come prepared in regards to sharing your story, which could include personal info about your childhood, traumas, experiences, addictions or struggles, past or present.
Basically, anything which has brought you to the point you’re currently at or maybe even where you are not. I had prepared ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. As I mentioned above, I had my weekends mixed up, but apart from that, I had never opened about things before so why would I do so now?
During our teaching and prayer, we were encouraged to be open, honest and share what we were comfortable with. Sure, I’ve got this, I’ll share just enough but not too much like I’ve ALWAYS done in the past. I, myself, began praying, asking God to give me the right words to share. We broke out into small groups (6 women in mine) and began. I sat, listened and would occasionally repeat the same prayer in my head.
Dear Lord, please give me the right words to share.
My turn came, I began crying immediately and struggled to get the words out. I took a moment to catch my breath and thoughts. I proceeded by opening my heart and mind completely. The realization of how much pain, trauma and hurt I’ve held onto for soooo many years, broke me. Although it felt like a huge burden lifted, I also wanted to sink right into my seat. I hadn’t planned my story and most certainly didn’t plan on sharing as much as I had. God was definitely working and I’m so thankful he gave me the courage to not only share but to help begin the process of releasing so much pain while providing the right atmosphere to do so.
I’m not at a point where I am ready to share specific details publicly, just yet, but do want to share I am in the process. God is definitely working in my life and heart. If I’m being completely honest, it’s a lot to process and left me feeling emotionally drained for a good week or so after
A few months ago, the idea of this blog was laid upon my heart. At the time, I wasn’t sure what to do with it exactly but I knew I wanted to create a safe space for women to share their stories. Whether or not they want / wanted to be mentioned as the author or remain anonymous was / is completely up to them.
Then I realized, I’m asking other women to share their stories when I have not even begun to share mine!
I am not sure how to begin sharing parts of my story nor when I will or the details I will include, but I do know God will continue working and giving me the courage to do so.