Back to Life
My pilgrimage "back to life" began two years ago - life before this had culminated in complete exhaustion; my self-efforts had entangled me, and here on this hill, I found myself shattered and very fragile in spirit. I will be breaking down my journal of stories as I blog on this space of grace. I will be sharing the stories that God has authorized and entrusted me to live out in His perfect time and plan.
God never wastes our pain.
Psalm 40 - became my “go-to” - I began to “go back to” and personalize each word.
Psalm 40:1 “I waited patiently for the Lord, and he turned to me and heard my cry for help.”
I waited.
No, I WAITED, and He looked, heard, and attended to my cry. The profound wording of this verse does not say “I am waiting” - it says “when I waited” the passage appears to have been written in the past tense. I had come to a point where my cry for help had become louder than my desire to wait.
For years it has become my habit to choose a WORD that I have felt compelled to focus on throughout the year, Ironically the word I chose for 2020 was
“WAIT WELL.”
Waiting is an extraordinary revealer of honesty - waiting stripped me of all hidden pretenses.
Waiting had in the past been an active inward wail - (my waiting had usually been directed at wanting to see a change in others).
Waiting for me became a journey toward healing - waiting taught me to keep my eyes focused on Him and His relationship with me.
Waiting is never passive - my word choice quickly became a battle between the “new He was creating in me” and the shedding of old habits.
Waiting is intentional; waiting tunes my heart. Waiting gave me time to think - as He quieted my heart, I sensed His presence evermore.
Waiting allowed me to see more clearly - waiting caused my soul to be at peace.
Waiting made me trust more deeply - as layers of my life began to be peeled away, I began to fully realize that I was not the “savior” in this story.
Waiting meant there was hope
Waiting reset my faith
Waiting required submission
Waiting required obedience
Waiting made me call out to Him
Waiting kept me from rushing ahead of the promised rescue
Waiting called me to rehearse other circumstances when my “wait” became fully satisfied
I am now, even two years later, able to say with confidence and rejoice in what God alone could have done in my messiness of life.
Waiting can be messy
Waiting usually involves an external provoker
Waiting takes time - the relief does not come quickly
“Waiting well” released me from the inevitable consequences of the trajectory my life was on. Waiting is like a good books ending - Waiting was worth the wait.
Waiting is now a safe place where I can “wait well” because I, like you, have a history with God.
You and I can trust that He is at work even when we can't see His hand -
He is the God who rescues
There are no No deadlines for God - He neither hastens nor delays. We continually fight for Joy - yet we fight as those who have been saved by grace and held by Christ.
When finally He completes the work that He hath wrought - the work that caused my needless fear - I see now where I should have trusted more simply because He is and has always been faithful.
I have found the wait well worth the effort and discipline it had taught me. I invite you to join the “wait” and see what He has done.
There is a book that I gleaned so much from by John Piper, “When the Darkness Will Not Lift” check it out on Amazon. Better yet, get yourself an Audile copy and set you're listening to repeat.
All is Well, All is Well
Written by: Linda Smith
